This is Bobbly’s World… **** Sake how do you even start a blog.
Hey Guys… What am I doing? face palm
Please enter whatever salutation you see fit here … should I pass you on the street you’d probably get a swift smile, maybe a nod, raised eyebrows and mumbled ‘Alright’ out of me (it’s way friendlier than it sounds).
I have decided now is the time I am finally going to bite the bullet and write something for public viewing and am fully aware of all the pitfalls and many ways this can (and likely will) go terribly wrong.
Imagine the clumsiest person you know living in a world like that of Looney Tunes coming to you and saying “Right I am going to stage a bank heist.” …we all know damn well that’s going to a disaster but still there is a little intrigue there and whatever happens it’s going to be funny.
Well, that’s where we are at. I may not be funny per se but damn sure the outcome of this at some point will be.
Let’s start with why now and hell why even at all?
Well maybe some of you will be aware I am on the brink of turning 30 and I can safely say that for 50% of my time here on this world I have spent it chasing something unattainable.
For as long as I remember I have wanted to become a master of something; create a legacy; make my mark in some miraculous way…and a lot of the reason that this is unattainable really boils down to the fact I was chasing perfection. Stay with me and trust that this is was as much a revelation to me as it is to you
After I got my Bachelor’s Degree I was like right I’m going to do my Masters, then get a Doctorate that’ll do it, I will be a Doctor.
The conversation in my head swiftly after I processed this thought went like this:
“Em what are you on about? Why? What For? Doctor of what? You wrote your dissertation in 24 hours the day before it was due, that’s how committed you were to the process…and you really think you can spend another 8 years or whatever studying? YOU HAD UNI ONE DAY A WEEK AND EVEN THEN, SOMETIMES YOU LEFT EARLY OR DIDN’T EVEN TURN UP”
Yeah, maybe not.
Before that I was going to play Basketball for the England Women’s team that’s how I was going to do it; a car crash which resulted in a diagnosis uncovering my bad back and a fight with my own team member during a very important event put pay to that. BUT let it be known that I was good! Very Good! And it wasn’t out of reach. Just saying.
I still wouldn’t be satisfied in terms of my legacy though – maybe if I’d hit the WNBA I’d have been a little closer – No, pack it in, don’t be ridiculous!
I have always loved art, painting, making a mess, making stuff, drawing all of it. I am fortunate now that I have been able to build a small business out of it selling my drawings Bobblys Artwork.
It is also the thing that plagues me and I know I am not alone as somebody who lives in a state of creativity it can be a struggle; as I found that I am chasing the dragon (no I am not some grungy, desperate, heroin taking, bleeding heart, artist) the dragon I refer too is that of creating the ever so elusive masterpiece i.e. my arch nemesis Perfection!
“When perfectionism is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver.” Brené Brown
I never thought about perfectionism as an ailment until most recently while listening to an audiobook (The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown) and it was in that moment I decided I was going to apply some of what I was listening too, to my own circumstance’s.
Bobbly’s Artwork was in the making for many years on and off until maybe 18 months ago when I decided I was really going to push it and turn it into something more than a hobby or creative outlet. Why did it take so long? I was constantly trying to create the perfect piece of work!
The enjoyable and valuable process of creating would get lost once my work was acknowledged as something that could be sold, simply because in my mind it would never be good enough, the value was lost, as a masterpiece couldn’t be created as a part of conveyor belt of art that I would pump out. As soon as I felt like a factory I would stop, pack it all away, and move on to another project.
It took a lot of stopping and starting before Bobbly’s was actually formed.
How? I started to draw motorcycle’s, I started to use subject matter I was in love with and I enjoyed the process again, I had fun creating using new techniques and styles, and the end product was always satisfactory.
I stopped caring about whether it was a perfect illustration and taught myself to walk away when I knew I had done my absolute best. At the end of each piece, I ask myself the following:
Did I give it my best?
Did I enjoy the process?
If I didn’t give it my all or enjoy it, I go on to ask myself why? The answer usually is because it may have been something new to me, something that made me uncomfortable, or likely something I should have said no to in the first place. So regardless there is a lesson learnt.
How does this fit in with starting a blog?
I could never start this process if it was on the back of striving for it to be perfect. I can strive for it to be good, entertaining, informative, and predominantly give my work my best effort, I deserve that and as readers so do you.
To create anything but particularly writing something and trying to get it perfect will always have the reverse effect (in my opinion) it will be stiff, boring, clinical and simply un-relatable. Further to the point in the spirit of creating something perfect well frankly I would never even publish the first sentence let alone the full thing because I would never let it be good enough.
What I have learnt is what I leave behind when all is said and done doesn’t matter anywhere nearly as much as what I do while I am here; the fun is in the process, the joy is in the journey and happiness really is found in the smallest and simplest of things. Getting to listen to my old cowboy westerns on Audible while drawing a Harley Davidson for a living brings me great joy; learning to play the guitar inspires me and brings me great peace; walking on the beach with my dog and family is the highlight of the week; hanging out and watching a scary movie (not too scary) or playing fifa with my fiancé is what I remember the most.
Those big monumental moments are great and provide a timeline but the everyday stuff that’s where life is to be found.
Why Not? It’s something I’ve always wanted to do and have finally decided now works for me. It’s a creative outlet outside of my artwork that I can put out there and leave as part of my legacy, it’s important to me and it’s part of my work – not work that pays the bills but work that holds personal value which is so much more important even if not tangible.
Also, those that are in the know have been tortured long enough with my monologues on various things so it only seems fair to unleash some of these thoughts on the wider world and cut them all a bit of slack. Any Doctors/Psychologists etc. maybe skip this one, it’s not for you, my poor therapist can barely cope as it is and I could do without the ominous threat of a straightjacket.
What am I going to write about and you read about?
Bobbly’s World. Bobbly = Me (weird nickname Mum and Dad gave me and still haven’t shaken it off). Together (providing someone is actually reading this…awkward.) we are going to explore my world and the many directions that takes, tangents we get stuck on and crevices that are hard to find. To be clear my world is a little weird so there is a wide range of things that I am passionate about and interested in; so please don’t expect much order to things, it will all be knitted together with anecdotes and stories personal to me though, so there is that.
Motorcycles, Old Beemer’s, Guitars, Music, Whiskey, Westerns, Movies, True Crime, Paranormal stuff, Books, MMIWG (Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls), Mental Health, Artwork, My Influence’s, Sharks, Palestine are all topics that rattle around my brain with no preference to the importance of one over the other I am equally passionate about each. It’s going to be a mixed bag and a crazy road but I for one (and maybe the only one) am excited.
Anyone still with me? Maybe if I can figure out a comments section you can throw in a little “Thumbs Up” or “Shut Up” if you are that way inclined, so I know someone has taken the risk of losing 5 minutes to enduring this.
Let’s do this then topics coming up first “Whitney Houston” and “Motorcycles” (all those wearing a confused frown right now, I did warn you!) you are in at the deep end now of Bobbly’s World and I know there is a little bit of you interested in finding out where this is going, it can’t hurt right? (I mean it literally cannot hurt, if your eyes hurt after just 5 minutes of reading this, I’d suggest an eye test… but I’m not a doctor and you won’t find one here either because I warned them away way back up there somewhere.)
O No… Here is the awkward bit of signing off… ugh who says signing off.
What do I do?
I know let’s make this interactive literally wipes sweat off forehead.
Insert witty comment, appropriate statement, inspiring quote here then click off the page, but keep an eye for updates providing you are crazy enough to keep up with this nonsense.